Flam is a percussion way of saying 1 grace note, drag is 2 grace notes (with 1 hand) and a ruff is most of the times 3 grace notes (hand to hand). This are terms from rudimental (snare)drumming .
All the rudiments have there name so you can more easily learn them.
In notation a flam is 1 grace note. Sound libraries often have special samples for flams because the sound of playback is better then. But then you have to make an playing technique. But the notation is not correct then. So I think you have to decide do I want correct notation or the best sound.
Drummers/percusionist use the terms of the rudiments often, it is very common.
In German it is Vorschlag in Dutch Voorslag that are translations of grace note. So I would say Flam is a name in use of drummers but not in notation, then it is just grace note.