Hi. So, quick personal post for some advice. I’ve been with my wife for about 10 years and it’s been a real struggle with music. After the first few months she wound up kicking the studio door down because I was “ignoring her”. From that point on I didn’t really do anymore music than a song or two on a laptop with a 25 key midi controller. My Yamaha HS8’s haven’t been hooked up since around 2011. In hindsight I most certainly should have kicked her out of my life when she couldn’t accept the fact that I spend a lot of my time making music. I was young and foolish.
Fast forward to now: I finally set up a studio again a few months ago and picked up a NI S61. AMAZING controller! The creativity just started to flow out of me. However, there was about 2 months where I had to reeducate myself because I had forgotten all of my music theory. Music has evolved so much in the last 10 years as well that I found that my usual methods made the music sound dated.
My immediate problem is that not much has changed in the last 10 years. In the past hour she’s made me take off my headphones a total of 6 times to answer stupid / pointless questions. I explained that when I’m in a creative flow that interrupting me causes the ideas to be lost forever. Hell, I lose a lot of ideas when I have to stop to hit the record button when I’m freestyling on the keyboard. Her reply: “That’s f-ing stupid”.
The environment just isn’t conducive to creativity.
There is something deeper going on here as well. I have a lot of animosity towards her that I didn’t realize was there. I’ve been making music since the age of 10. I remember writing my first rap song in 5th grade lol. It was a really big piece of my heart and soul. This animosity has been building up for years now unbeknownst to my conscious mind, but I’m really having a difficult time coping with the fact that I put music away for so long. And for the last couple of months that I’ve been relearning everything I’ve developed a conscious hatred towards her because I have found myself in a place I never should have been: rusty and dull in my skills.
Now that I write this out, I think divorce is the only answer. Music is such a deep part of my soul and being without it is like being without my right arm. I castrated myself on a spiritual level and didn’t even realize it. I take full responsibility for my own actions and decisions, I only wish I could realize what I was doing at the time of doing it.
Anyone else have any similar experiences or issues and maybe some advice to share?