my first post-2 new songs for review

hello everyone…i would be grateful for any feedback on these two songs i made with cubase se3 and an electric guitar…
thanks,mark

http://www.myspace.com/markmasonmusic

er - anyone? good,bad? ought to take a long walk off a short pier?

c’mon.don’t be shy!

Hi

I’ll be the first to have a stab and get you going.

I listened to ‘Let Me In’. I kept waiting for the sound stage to open up. Have you made this mono on purpose or maybe it’s the myspace player? The track is quite nice and I like your voice. The vocals however vary a lot in level and could use some compression or level automation so we don’t loose the lyrics.

Cheers
Dave

To get more feedback it’s a good idea to make comments on other songs posted in order for people to get to know you :wink: even if it’s just a case of saying that you listened or thanks for sharing.

hi dave-as you see i am new on here-so i haven’t posted re other peoples songs…

thanks for the starter…

i am a singer first-engineer last!

so i just kinda left any panning alone…

the vocal level varies…but i think i messed it up…

it is supposed to be almost conversational at the start and almost full on at the end.
i have an extremely powerful voice when needed-but i am not sure that it comes across in recording?
i sing in an acoustic duo ,doing mostly rock/pop songs and it seems that i get more oooomph live?

does it sound like that to you?

the bit in the middle i had to sing on my knees with a blanket on my head as the reverb in my lounge is awful!

best, mark m

hi mark, it just sounds like you got to get to grips with cubase a bit more ,ive been doing it for about three years now and im still haveing trouble with it.i was just trying to picture you under a blanket singing ,man that cracked me up.yes you`ve got a good voice when you let rip.

I listened to Let Me In. I like the piece and the mood you’ve created, but your vocal doesn’t sit right for me. The way the drum track and keys are sorta laid back and spacy, I think the vocal would sound better warmer and with some delay or verb on it, to give it a feel more like the rest of the track. It sounds dry and a bit thin and distorted. Is that what you were going for, or are you not sure what you’re looking for yet?

hey guys-thanks for the input…

lenny-.i wanted a warm rounded vocal…it’s what i sound like live…

there is only one vocal track.perhaps if i doubled it up?

i dont like to use a lot of reverb…i only use a little when live…

wanted the vox to be relaxed at start and then explode at the end…

i thought about putting guitar under bridge and final choruses to give it more beef but then isn;t that a little cliched?

best mm

Ever heard of “minimalism?” :mrgreen:

I like the song fine.

Regarding the recording… the vocal is too loud and is too brite for the overall mood of the track. There is some distortion on it – something tells me it’s due to mic selection – sounds a lot like a Studio projects C1.

The second song:

Interesting. Different. Cool pad going on there, and nice minimalistic piano touches. A couple of the lyrics are a bit cliche

Again, the voc is too brite (for me anyway). I am pretty sure it is mic-related,

Am I saying “go out immediately and buy a $3000 mic” – ? No sir. I think you can cure much of this if you EQ off some of the top end.

I actually like it. Even if the cool atonality wasn’t intended :laughing:

My thoughts on the tracks…

I like the lyric concept of both songs. They have a “story telling” nature thats a mark of a good tune. Need to work on the musical production a bit though. These are my thoughts…

Both tracks need more width. Everything is very dead centered and narrow.
In both tunes, I think the vocal tracks are too loud/in your face. “Who shall I be Today” is somewhat better in this regard but both need the vocal’s backed into the mix.

“Let Me In”
I would use more variation in the arrangement. Drums, for example, start right at the top and pretty much never change. Perhaps you could kill the kick and snare for the first 16 bars, then bring in the kick to underpin the rythem, have just kick/hh for the next 16 or so, then drop in the snare (I would change the snare sound too, the tune has an ethereal kind of sound but the snare has a very in your face crack to it that seems out of place).

I would also bring the bass in earlier, perhaps drop it in at bar 16 with the kick. At present it doesn’t show up untill about 2:20 in. I would also use a different bass pattern. As it is, it hits right with the kick. This makes the track feel kind of stiff and metronomic. If you used a smoother counter punctual rhythm on the bass line it would soften the groove of the drums a bit.

In "Who Shall I Be Today, I’m not hearing a distinct melody line. You have a pad going in the background that makes the chord progressions a bit wooly and undefined. I cant really locate the root key of the track. You have a guitar line of some sort that seems to be trying to play a harmony but it, to my ears, is either a harmony line that doesn’t help focus the root key, or the sound is way too loud in the mix and, thus, makes the root lose focus.

Later in the track, a piano type sound comes in but it too, seems to be playing an odd harmonic part of some sort that, again, makes the root key and chord progression sound wooly and indistinct.

I hope this is of some help. All the best,

Karl