Hi
A new tune from me. Feedback would be appreciated.
Click on the down arrow to download wav file.
Cheers
Edit for link change
HI Dave,
Just took a listen…my suggestions…
The intro doesn’t quite work for me. Sounds too…stacatto. What if you changed the guitar part a little, instead of chunking chords right on the beat, what if you went to a picked string type of thing? That might give it a little softer feel (the vocals in the intro already have a soft feel to them).
The lead guitar, on the right, at 00:48 is, I think, introduced too early in the song. Perhaps leave it out until 1:10. This would let the dynamics of the song build a little more slowly and keep it interesting by dropping new things in as it progresses.
The release at 1:43 sounds a bit abrupt to me and the song never quite builds after that. The idea may have been to have that strong kind of rock segment in the middle then drop into a contrasting release. It can work but it sounds too abrupt the way it is. Much of this is because the dist guitar drops out there and the bass begins playing a line an octave or so above where it was. Kind of makes the bottom fall out.
What if you came out of the strong segment and at 1:43, drop the distortion lead guitar, keep the chunking guitar thats already there but have the bass play the same line it goes into at 2:18 and keep the drums going. This would drop you out of that hard rocking middle segment into a kind of medium dynamic level. Release the tension a little but not entirely just yet.
Let it play like this till 2:18, then drop the drums out (ie… keep what you already have there). This way, the release at the end of the song comes down in progressive segments…in dynamic/intensity terms…kind of counting down…3…2…1. out.
Just my thoughts. Al the best!
Karl
Oh…and I’d back the vocals down just a little more into the mix. They sound just a bit too out front.
hi Dave,i like the overall feel of the song but i would maybe make the lyrics a little bit more abstract and vary the melody a bit more , but i like the attitude of the guitars they work well ,i think there is a lot of potential for this song.
Hi
Thanks for the listens and comments. Slaughtered. 
Seriously it’s good to have such constructive feedback. I am obviously too close to this and it’s one of the tunes I have been most happy with before posting here.
I have just uploaded again because I have the feeling the two formats I uploaded were not from the same mix. 
I did debate this in my own mind and I am still not sure which way to go.
The release at 1:43 sounds a bit abrupt to me and the song never quite builds after that. The idea may have been to have that strong kind of rock segment in the middle then drop into a contrasting release. It can work but it sounds too abrupt the way it is. Much of this is because the dist guitar drops out there and the bass begins playing a line an octave or so above where it was. Kind of makes the bottom fall out.
What if you came out of the strong segment and at 1:43, drop the distortion lead guitar, keep the chunking guitar thats already there but have the bass play the same line it goes into at 2:18 and keep the drums going. This would drop you out of that hard rocking middle segment into a kind of medium dynamic level. Release the tension a little but not entirely just yet.
Let it play like this till 2:18, then drop the drums out (ie… keep what you already have there). This way, the release at the end of the song comes down in progressive segments…in dynamic/intensity terms…kind of counting down…3…2…1. out.
I’ll give this some thought. Thanks
Oh…and I’d back the vocals down just a little more into the mix. They sound just a bit too out front.
I have lowered the vocals 1.5 db in the new versions I uploaded. Lot’s of people have commented on previous mixes I put my vocal too far back, especially with my old monitors. I am still getting used to the new ones. This is only my second full tune with them.
Thanks for the listen and comments. This was always meant to be a short and simple tune but I will certainly think about what you have said.
Thank you both. 
Dave, It wasn’t my intent to “Slaughter” it (I sure hope the " " means you were saying that tongue in cheek).
I often struggle with commenting on peoples work. It becomes a debate between offering some very generalized/vague statements vs trying to offer something particular and specific. For what it’s worth, I dont comment at all unless I hear a track that I think has something going.
I hope you take my suggestions as I meant them to be; constructive and specific. I fully understand that I may be hearing the song entirely differently from you in which case what I offer simply doesn’t fit the vision you have of the tune. Perfectly fine. Bottom line, I only mean to offer friendly suggestions but specific enough to be useful.
All the best!
Karl
Hi Karl
It was just a joke. I appreciate the constructive critique very much. It’s exactly the kind of stuff I want to hear back.
All the best.
BTW I listened to Oh Gwen on my laptop before Liked it a lot. Will listen to your tunes on my main system over the next few days and post so comments. Cheers
I agree with these comments of Karl’s. I think a picked 3 note chord sustaining over the vocal during the verse would make a nice contrast with the chorus. (I’d do that instead of the rhythm guitar you have on the verse now - but you could also add it to what you have.) I think it’d add color to the verse - make it more ‘moody’.
I also agree that the vocal could come down just a bit.
I have no other comments regarding the mix, except to note that you’d gone a long way towards getting your mixes sounding polished and pro - then at some point a while back you made a conscious decision to start going more lofi. I respect that decision and I’m ok with how it sounds, though I wouldn’t mind hearing you go back to hifi after you’ve had your little fling.
Hi Lenny
Thanks for the listen. Seems I’m going to have to try something different for the quiter sections then. 
I find I quite often end up implementing suggestions from here quite some time after the initial thread. I’ve been doing that with some other tunes theat I posted a while back. I guess it’s easier to have a better perspective when leaving the tune for a while.
Hmm…
not sure that I made a concious decision to go more lofi. 
I am sort of changing direction and am looking for a slightly more ‘gentle’ sound rather than ‘in your face’. It stress ‘slightly’ though. It’s as if my ears are getting a bit tired of that modern harsh sound.
Further comments/discussion on this is also welcome.
One reason my tunes might be sounding a bit lofi was that I was under the mistaken impression that Soundcloud streamed songs at the format they are uploaded in. I had been uploading 192kbps mp3’s but they were then being re encoded to 128. 
I noticed this only when I originally uploaded this tune in wav and mp3. I couldn’t make out why the mp3 sounde fuzzy by comparison. The mp3 was also louder! 
I’ve now uploaded all new files in wav format only. Sounds much better.
Yes, a big difference. There’s some sizzle on the high end now - and things are more clear in general.
Not lofi. 
Phew (breathes sigh of relief) 
Nice Dave. I like what yuo’re doing with your voice in the quieter parts, and really liked that doubled harmony too.
At the risk of sounding like I’ve jumped on the ‘slaughter bandwagon’ I have to say I too agree with Karl’s initial comments - EXCEPT the bit about lowering the vocal. I see Lenny has said the same thing but they’re both completely wrong in that regard. Often you bury your vocal, I’m enjoying hearing a little more up front.
Well…thats the risk you run when you express an opinion…but I spoke first so that must mean I’m right!!!
So let me ask – what format do they stream at? Is it still the abysmal 128kps? I ask because I auditioned the streamed version, and then downloaded the wav, and the wav sounds far better (don’t think it’s in my mind)
I don’t usually make artistic comments, but I will make a couple here:
it’s too short – we need another soft-loud section again
in the intro, I’d make the hi-hat just play quarter notes – sounds kinda jerky with the hat and guitars playing the same figure (works okay later on)
I wouldn’t mind a bit more drums during the loud parts
Overall – good tune!
Hi Ian
Sorry for the late reply. Thanks for that. I guess I’ve found a vocal style that I am a bit more comfortable with.
Regarding the other comments, I am contemplating changing a few things. Odd thing though is that this is one of my tines that I am happiest with. 
Yep, they stream at 128kbps. All these sites seem to resample whatever is uploaded to their own streaming format. IMO it would be better if they insisted that files were uploaded in a specific format rather resample something that has already been compressed.
Back to the tune.
My idea for this tune is for it to be an album closer. I deliberately made it short and not follow conventional verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge etc formula. It would be quite easy to make it longer and I may do that yet. I’m glad you mentioned the hihat parts. I have considered cutting them until the quiet section or even cutting all the drums there.
Cheers
Hiya Dave. I like this, has a Nirvana-Oasis vibe. Guitars sound great as usual
I suppose the vox could have more attitude but that’d be my only nit.
Cheers
Phil
Heya Dave,
Into my second listen after reading through the above comments and I hear an Animals influence here, and the soft parts remind me of Love and Rockets.
I like the intro, the harmonies could be a little tighter and they would sizzle.
Overall, the vocals are very good. And your guitar is very strong.
Listened three times and it is growing on me. Good sign. Very good tune. Sooooo, Love and Rockets in the final 30 seconds or so.
Michael
Phil, Michael
Thanks for the listen and comments.
Michael, I had to go check out Love And Rockets. I gues you could say they had many similar influences.
Cheers
hey dave, I personally like the way the opening sets up the song, and the reprise at the end wraps it up nicely.
good harmonies and lyrics, ya a cool arrangement.
Haven’t listened to this one yet Dave, will do tonight.
Meantime, a bump.
Jet