Arturia to be Acquired!!

Look at what I found on Wikiprang!

Dear Sir/Madam,

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Pratt Whitney III and I represent the private equity firm Oink Inc.

First, let me congratulate you on your novel and enterprising business model. It is so rare to discover a company whose products are both unusable and un-purchasable and yet ensure the customer’s credit card is debited by a specific sum.

This is what we, in our business, call disruptive. Your approach is precisely what we are looking for.

Our prerequisites to first investing in and later dismantling a company are onerous and our due diligence processes are derived from best practices originally developed by Enron.

We are happy to conclude your company either meets or exceeds all expectations in this regard and, therefore, we are delighted to propose this Letter of Understanding as an initial basis for later negotiations which shall include but not be limited to matters pertaining to:

  1. Acquiring a controlling interest in your Company
  2. Determining the preferred ordinance to be used by the firing squad in executing the technical, QA and sales staff.
  3. Ensuring the smooth and elegant flow of revenue without providing goods or services to customers in return

We at Oink Inc. believe yours is the model of the future and while many technology companies match Arturia in terms of poor quality of goods and technical support you have set a higher standard by perfecting the business process by not actually shipping anything at all.

While speculating about the method by which Arturia developed this revolutionary business process we could only conclude its origins may be found in that other work of historic art whereby the French government ensured it would once again be at war with Germany twenty-odd year later by instituting the Treat of Versailles. We appreciate that this is hard to beat but in your own way you have achieved similar results at least to the extent that we are confident your customer base will similarly revolt at which point we can sell them weapons instead (please refer to our recent acquisition of the Bushehr reactor in Iran… good deal).

Vive la France!!

Now that’s quality entertainment. I’m so glad I didn’t jump on this deal …