BREAKING NEWS: World shortage of music blamed on Steinberg

Hamburg, Germany, 10-Nov-2021: BREAKING NEWS

Supply chain issues and a shock announcement by one of the world’s leading suppliers of music software are being blamed for unprecedented shortages of new music being piped into global distribution networks.

In a surprise announcement on Wednesday, officials from Steinberg GmbH detailed how their existing copy-protection system known as the “eLicenser” would be replaced in early 2022 by a new authorisation system which will not require the USB hardware device colloquially known as “the dongle”.

For some, this suddenly made real the suspicions that had been fuelled by a text leaked onto the internet days earlier, before being swiftly removed. Mass rioting immediately broke out in many major cities across the planet between factions who believe their investment will no longer be adequately protected against theft, and others who have for decades advocated the abolition of what they perceive to be a “ball and chain” or “ankle bracelet” that must be tolerated in order to produce music.

Furthermore, news in the shock press release that there would be no “.5” upgrade in time for the holidays this year gave rise to violent outbursts from long-time fans of the company’s flagship music production software, with some openly advocating public burning of Cubase 5* manuals in protest. “I was depending on Cubase 11.5 to be able to finish my magnum opus – what am I going to do now? It’s not good enough, I tell you!” screamed one irate protester through a bullhorn with astonishingly good audio quality.

(*Cubase 5 was the last version to have a printed paper manual)

For years, Steinberg have released annual incremental “.5” updates to Cubase, with 11.5 being due this November, however the eagerly awaited update, about which absolutely nothing is known, yet upon which the dreams and ambitions of so many were based, has now been officially cancelled, and is instead scheduled for release as Cubase 12 in early 2022.

The fact that no precise date was given for the release of Cubase 12 appears to have added to the anger and frustration of mobs gathered in national capitals around the world, whose rhythmical and strangely harmonically correct chants echoed into the night.

Unofficial Steinberg sources lamented one fact that seems to have gone almost unnoticed: anyone who upgrades now to Cubase 11 will get a free upgrade to Cubase 12 on its release, including those who gamed the system by buying their upgrades cheaply during the summer sale, but were holding off on activating the license until the “grace period” was announced, resulting in a massive discount.

An unnamed source is claimed to have said: “What the %$# is wrong with these people? They get to keep the Cubase 11 license on the USB eLicenser, then they additionally get not one, but two activations of the free Cubase 12 license we’re giving them – and yet, here we are at 4 AM in crash helmets, not knowing when we’ll be able to leave this forum!

All this has lead to a world-wide shortage of music, as on Thursday, instead of producing mind-bending beats and soaring ear-worm melodies, a large contingent of the world’s musicians were busy flingling ill-conceived and grammatically questionable queries at an increasingly weary group of company die-hard social media warriors who remained at the keyboards, typing furiously to placate users entertaining their wildest imaginable fantasies of a dongle-free anarchy filling the void which would otherwise have been occupied with endless complaints about all that would have been wrong with the now cancelled Cubase 11.5.

Things had improved little by Friday, although latest reports suggest that after thirty-six straight hours of relentless whining and ranting, an eerie quiet has begun to set in, though some fear it may be just the calm before a (possibly chemically-fuelled) weekend storm.

The music world waits with bated breath …

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Nice one. I’m sure Jonathan Swift would approve if he were still with us.

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Post of the century!

Well done.

:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Oh my God! I did this! Hahahah! I finally used my code yesterday.
P.S. And I bought it from Sweetwater, not directly from Steinberg, just to gain a few extra bucks (because US dollars are cheaper than Euros when converting to my local currency).

Guys, guys, chill. This is all irrelevant. You see, I’ve found a way to exploit the system before it even launches.

There is a loophole. Daniel Spreadbury said that if we manage to keep a computer running the program indefinitely, it will not get deauthorized when the license period expires! Not until we close the application and restart it.

So the logical thing to do is to install a diesel generator in that worthless amp booth (or just leave it outside in the tracking room, S/N ratio is overrated, there are wonderful gates and denoise tools nowadays), 4,5 kW/hrs will do fine, and then you renew the license, I mean the fuel, by yourself, whenever you want! Of course it’s busywork, and a defined timeframe of action is required lest the generator runs out of diesel, but at least you can see the fruit of your labor right there and then! Plus, interns can later say: “Back when we worked at the studio, we had the funnels hanging from our neck, ready to fuel the DAW, and woe betide us if we hadn’t done fill’er up for the night! That’s how tough things were back then.” Plus, all the diesel filled cannisters laying around make for wonderful sound absorbers when filled, and exquisite expressive percussion when empty. A viable, elegant, carefree solution. For all.

Am I wrong?

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You must feel really superior now, after making fun of people who have a different opinion than you…

You know what wiill cure all these ill’s …42

Ridiculous. If you going to all this trouble, deploy piping to the fuel reservoir which is closest to your town, the interns can maintain it. You will not have to think about re-authorizing at all.

I don’t think most small studios can afford that. I know for sure from people in the bloop that big players will in fact - just as you say - establish D2S networks (distillery to studio if it wasn’t obvious), and the true behemoths will just buy crude, distill their own, and install pumps due to multi-parking-spot licenses. I don’t know if they will also sell tax deduced diesel to outsiders on the side and on the sly, but my sources are mostly corwrecked and completely unreliable just once in a blue moon.

However, if small studio owners think they should absolutely and heavily invest in such immobile assets as energy distribution infrastructure, in my humble opinion it’s just a case of GAS.

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nonsense. My cousin used a mile-long garden hose for a total cost: only 1image, but of course ymmv depending on exchange rates.

Anyway, this is all off topic, the main concern is

The music world waits with bated breath…

to finally use system link with only one license.

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The only thing that’s improved is customers have had more time to digest the shitstorm and make other plans while drinking lapsang souchong and a couple of paracetamol for the brain ache :upside_down_face: :upside_down_face:

I honestly never thought that something ive been using for 30 years day in day out that’s not even a really object would affect me this much …CB rehab it is .
No music here for a few weeks , i can’t even bear to look at Cubase as i’ll start swearing at the monitor :laughing:

:joy:
Nice one, Mr. Soundman.
:clap:

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Steve, I persuaded my own cousin to try the garden hose approach. It’s about 2 kilometers to the gas station, he’s been sucking on the hose since yesterday to prime it. He’s turning blue now and I don’t know what to do. I suggested that we just go online for the license, arrange for the annual activation and avoid the pain, but he told me to be patient and that it’s coming any second now, the only thing he fears is if it would leave a stain.

:fuelpump: :oil_drum: :desktop_computer:

that’s what she said. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :face_vomiting:

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And you shouted back " ok your ways the best , the servers down , keep sucking hard "

Lol, he’s got a good lung, I’ll keep him around. You never know!

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You could always get him in an iron lung to aid and ease the pain :upside_down_face: :rofl:

No one locked this thread? Im shocked. A true one sided love affair here.

This Kool Aid has a strange taste I must say

Don’t be such a party pooper @shanabit. The OP was brilliant and funny. Even if the replies didn’t measure up the same.

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It’s an acquired taste. The more you drink it, the more you will want to acquire.

Grape was always my favorite as a kid. Drank that crap by the gallon. Probably a cup or two of sugar every day.

Sorry, getting off topic …